All the life things are happening – and in some ways happening too fast – while in others – it just seems to drag on forever.
My daughter and wife are out at a solo assessment for my daughter’s school orchestra. It’s where she has to perform for a judge for her year end assessment grade. It’s her last one in middle school and I don’t know what they do in high school, but in a week and a half she’ll be done with middle school and on her way to high school. These last three years of middle school have literally been the fastest three years of my daughter’s life. I can’t believe high school is already here. A lot has happened over these last three years – like how she has taken off with orchestra and her violin, how she has started volunteering, and how great she has been doing with her grades and school in general. And she has grown – now taller than me and my wife. Still – it has gone fast. And will go even faster into the next phase. I saw a Humans of New York post today that really affected me:
“The hardest was when she left for college. We dropped her off a couple days early, so the campus was empty, and I have this very clear image of her walking alone across the quad. I stared at my daughter’s back while she literally walked into the next phase of her life. So many questions were running through my mind: ‘Did we prepare her enough? Is she happy? Will she feel comfortable enough to tell us if she’s not?’ Looking back, I wish I hadn’t fretted so much over the small stuff. When she was young, we were worried so much about whether she started on the soccer team, or if she got chosen for the front row at the dance competition, or if she was playing flute at the recital. We worried so much about that stuff because we were looking for any sort of validation that we were doing a good job. And in our desperation to be good parents we became our children. I wish I knew how fast all that stuff would fade away. And how little any of that would matter once she became an adult.”
Then I got sad. Can I handle letting her go when she goes to college? Can I handle boys and driving and dances and college choices? Are we worrying too much about the little stuff now? If you don’t worry about all the little stuff now then doesn’t it make all that stuff less important – and isn’t it all important? Doesn’t all the little things going on right now make her the adult she will someday be? One thing I keep thinking about. When she was in elementary school, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in this moment and it’s actually been easier than I thought. So there you go. But still, watching her walk away going off to college…
While everything else keeps flying by at light speed, one thing is taking forever to get any answers. My health issue. If you remember from previous posts, I may have a problem with my prostate. I had a high PSA score during an annual exam which led to a visit to my urologist which led to taking a brand new blood test which led to the urologist wanting me to have an advanced MRI to determine if I needed a biopsy which led to the urologist screwing up the communications with my insurance company which led to the MRI not being approved which led to me getting frustrated with my doctor and deciding to get another one. Since then I took another PSA test with my primary care physician and it came back a little lower, but still high. I then got a recommendation for a new urologist, but found out that he is not taking new patients. Another recommendation led to a doctor who, I believe, started this large urology group in our area and who has been a leader in the field for a long time. The only problem is the earliest appointment I could get is for two months from now. So I get to enjoy my summer, and my summer vacation, with this very active cloud hanging over my head. Hey, this has only been going on for the past three months or so – what’s another two?
In the spirit of trying to jazz up our house and our surroundings – we bought outside hanging lights for our backyard deck area. We have been talking about it for a while and finally pulled the trigger last weekend. I spent a good part of late Sunday trying to figure out the best way to hang them – and where they should go. Now they are up and look pretty good! Of course, it’s all buggy now and hard to sit out there and enjoy – but there will be days – plus we can see them from the inside. It’s going to be nice cooking out, fire pit going, lights on, having some people over. Wait. That means we would have to invite some people over…
